If you're thinking about closing a credit card account, be prepared for a long converstation with an account retention specialist. These are people who are trained to try to keep your account open. Here's a story from Angela about what she went through to get her account closed:

I was just on the phone with Crapital One closing out my account now that I have a zero balance. Oh it so funny, first you get the normal account representatives and when I tell him I would like to close my account, his voice gets so sad and he says:

Frank (sadly like a puppy died): "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Why do you want to close your account?"
Me: "Oh, we just don't need it any more."
Frank (still as if puppies are dying all around him): "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that."

---transfer to a SENIOR customer service supervisor (apparently it takes more seniority or a very important person to close an account)---

Supervisor: "What is the problem you are having on your account?"
Me: "I just need to close the account."
Supervisor: "It looks like you have been a member since 2001 and you have a zero balance....with a credit limit of $9,000. Are you sure you want to close your account?"
Me: "Yep. I just need to close the account."
Supervisor: "What changes have you made or what has happened to make you decide this?" (OH, WHAT A STORY I COULD HAVE TOLD HER)
Me: "We're just using cash for everything, so we don't need a credit card anymore."

LONG PAUSE....

Supervisor: "So you aren't keeping any credit card for an emergency (I'M LAUGHING INSIDE!!), or for small purchases (LOL!!), or for other things your family needs (STOP, I'M GOING TO PEE MYSELF!!)?"
Me: "Nope. We use cash now."

PAUSE...

Supervisor: "You'll give up these reward points..."
(I CHECKED, THERE WASN'T ENOUGH TO REDEEM FOR ANYTHING)

Me: "Oh, that's okay. Just close my account."

Supervisor: "We'll honor your request. It sound like you want to simplify things...(disclosures, and do you understands, etc.)....

Can you believe that I was actually nervous to call and close it? I'm glad that I'm learning to not care what anyone thinks. My heart was beating so fast - it turns out it was nice to say it out loud that we are finally weird.

(whew.) Now my heart is singing with the peace and simplicity I feel (at least she was right about the "simplifying part"). Thought you guys would like to hear about it.

Labels: Big Plastic, Credit Cards, Retention Specialists